he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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