We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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