We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
