it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
