I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
