If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
