whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
