i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
