Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
