Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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