Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
