I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
