i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
