Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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