Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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