I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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