Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
