i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
