your parents love me but you hate me
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
