LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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