just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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