She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
