I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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