Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
