I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
