Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize