we have pet lesbian snakes
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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