you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
