Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
