And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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