I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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