dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
