The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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