My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
