Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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