Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize