my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
