yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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