You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
