I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
