guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
