I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I believe in your delicious
Sext me about skeletons
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
