dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
