i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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