You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
my liver is dry heaving
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
