its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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