i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I lost the right to judge tonight
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
