I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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