I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
