Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize