I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
