Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
