It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
