im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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