And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize