We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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