mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
