I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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