That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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