it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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