so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize