I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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