My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
