I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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