SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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