I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
