i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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