i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
