Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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