the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
