Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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