he shaved USA in his pubs
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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