You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
