Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
