Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
