It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize