Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
