im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
