I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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