kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize