You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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