i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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