ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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