I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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