My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
