96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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