is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
