she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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