I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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