Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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