? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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