is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
