Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
