and she was petting her beer can
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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