Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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