absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
