Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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