You work out of a Hotel?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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