If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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