I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
