My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
