I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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