this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
