Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
