my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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